90% of Men Don’t Do This One Thing (Harsh Truths)
One of the biggest reasons most men feel stuck in life is that they don't show up.
That's really what it is.
About 80% of the victory, the progress you make in life, is really about showing up.
This is something I've had to deal with most of my life, which is why I'm making this newsletter—speaking from experience, but also to help you along your self-improvement journey to live a better life.
Most Men Don't Show Up
The simplest thing really is just showing up.
It's the simplest thing to say and one of the simplest things to do, but most people struggle with it.
When I say, "just show up," I mean in everything in life.
Take a few examples:
Showing up to the gym: When you don't feel like working out. You'll definitely have those days where you just want to stay in bed, not feeling motivated, feeling tired. Those are the moments when you actually have to show up.
Showing up for work: Be on time and ready to do what you're getting paid to do.
Showing up in relationships: Many men get in a relationship with a woman who loves them, shows them love, takes care of them—and they don't show up. They ignore them, playing video games all day with their friends online, playing Warzone and Call of Duty, while this beautiful woman who loves them just wants a little bit of attention.
When I talk about showing up, it's the little things that you do.
Most men can't even do the basics, the fundamental things.
The real test is when you don't feel like doing something—that's when you've got to do it.
When you get that feeling after work, "I don't really want to go to the gym," that's when you actually need to show up.
That's where you build discipline, build confidence, and start making life changes.
Lessons from Jiu-Jitsu
I talked about this in a recent video about doing Jiu-Jitsu and how difficult it is to show up to a sport every single week where you're getting destroyed—someone's putting body pressure on you, you're getting choked out.
But how do you think black belts become black belts or brown belts? They have to endure that.
They have to get up, grab their bag, go to the gym, train, do live rolls. They're not always going to feel like doing it.
For the last few years, there have been many times I didn't feel like going to Jiu-Jitsu. But when I went, when I finished my training at the end of the night, all sweaty and banged up, driving back home—never in my mind did I regret going to train.
In fact, I was actually happy that I got out of the house, got into my car, and made the extra effort to drive to the gym.
Most people don't even do that. They don't even do the basic showing up. You would be a lot further along in life if you just showed up.
For those who are new and maybe subscribed recently, you've probably seen the videos I've been posting. Shout out to the new subscribers!
I'm in a creator group, a private Discord with other YouTube creators, and we're doing this February challenge. February is the shortest month of the year—only 28 days—and today's the deadline.
I had two videos to make, so I had to show up.
I had to go on my lunch break from work, grab my camera and mics, and come outside to the park.
There are people walking around, cars, people reading books—everyone doing their own thing.
Almost no one cares about me, but I showed up. I grabbed the camera, got my stuff, came to the park, and made this content for you.
Sometimes you don't feel like doing something.
I definitely could have stayed in the house and said, "Maybe I'll make this video later tonight after work," but I already knew what would happen—I'm busy, I have a haircut appointment after work, my girlfriend's coming over to visit this weekend, I wouldn't have the time. But I had to show up.
Moving Forward Through Discipline
That's what you have to do in life.
You have to do the things you don't want to do because that's what moves you forward to your goal.
That's how you make progress. Anything you want to do in life, you have to show up. You have to be willing to put in the effort, have that discipline.
I'll be 43 in August, and I think about where I am now, but also where I could have been.
I could have been so much further along in my life—more successful in other areas, more achievements—if I had just shown up, if I had stayed consistent. I think about schooling, past relationships, job opportunities, opportunities to travel... so much stuff.
I can't live with regret though. Even at 42 (I'll be 43 this year), I feel like I'm in the best position in my life that I've ever been—mentally clear, focused, with a great job, a great relationship.
I live in a great city, the city I was born and raised in, Sacramento. I live in the heart of the city in Midtown, where I can literally come outside my apartment and be steps away from this beautiful park, restaurants, coffee shops, people, and the vibrancy of the city.
For those still reading—I'm talking to you—thank you but also make sure you show up.
What are the areas in your life where you can actually show up every single day? It doesn't have to be the gym, though that's a great area.
Think of other areas in life where you can just show up:
Maybe that's reading: "I'm going to show up and read this book for 15 minutes to try to get through it. I'm not really someone who likes to read a lot, but this book has the keys to unlocking something in my life, so I'm going to spend 15 minutes and show up."
Maybe that’s relationships: When friends invite you out for coffee and you haven't seen them in a while—show up. Don't flake on them. Make the extra effort to keep those connections. You don't want to burn bridges or be known as a flake.
Show up in life, in everything you do.
That's really the key to finding success in anything you do—just showing up.
It's 80% of the work; the rest will carry on in some other areas of life. Be the man who shows up.
When a friend calls and says, "I'm moving this weekend and I don't have anyone to help me. I really need your help"—show up. Be there for them.
When your girlfriend wants to spend time with you for dinner or just a walk in the park, but you told your friends you'd be online playing Warzone with them—show up for your girl.
When you keep getting to work late—show up on time. That's a reflection of you.
When you don't show up in life, people see that.
People know that. "I'm not going to invite him out to dinner or for drinks or coffee because he never shows up, he's always flaking." Women aren't going to want to date you because you're a flake, you don't show up.
You'll get fired from your job because you don't show up, or you show up at your cubicle but don't do any work.
Showing up—that is how you progress in life.
Final Thoughts
I'm looking at the analytics for my YouTube channel, and people watching are men between 25 and 35, even into their 40s.
If you're someone who's not showing up in life, you don't need my newsletter telling you this. If you're not showing up, you know where you're at, you know what you could be doing.
I talk to guys all the time on one-on-one calls who ask, "I'm trying to start this self-improvement journey. I watch your videos, but I'm not really sure what to do."
And I just tell them, "Are you showing up? Are you showing up to things? Are you showing up in life? When you say you're going to the gym and working out, are you showing up to that gym? Are you showing up to work on time? Are you showing up in your life?"
That's always the starting point, so I'm telling you right now, that's where you can start—just showing up, being there. It's like the building blocks, and once you get that going, everything else falls into place.
But you have to be able to show up in life for everything—for your friends, your family, for yourself. That's really going to dictate your future.
If you're not showing up for yourself, if you're not showing up for your friends—I don't really know what to tell you.
Thank you for reading. See you next time.
Jovon
If you want to work directly with me one-on-one, book a coaching call.