Why You Need to Build Confidence in Life (The Truth)

Most people think that confidence is something you're born with, which is a complete lie.

It's not a gift handed down to you through genetics. It is actually a skill that you have to learn and develop over time.

In this letter, I'm going to give you a couple of ideas and perspectives on how you can develop confidence in your life.

Before I get into how to build confidence, I want to set the stage by telling you that confidence is important because it affects every aspect of your life.

You need confidence to achieve things—whether it's getting a job, where you must trust that you have the skills, knowledge, and abilities to perform and get paid, or approaching someone you're interested in dating.

You have to have enough confidence in yourself to know you can achieve your goals, dreams, and aspirations.

We all have confidence in some areas, but there are many parts of our lives where we lack it.

Think back to your childhood, your teen years, your 20s, or your 30s—remember the challenges you faced where you did not have confidence?

I can guarantee that without confidence, you probably didn't follow through and complete those goals.

How do you build confidence?

1) Start Small and Build Wins

Confidence comes from taking action—it comes from experience and life.

Think back to when you were a toddler learning how to walk. You might not remember it, but you had the confidence to get up and try to walk toward your parents.

You fell down, but you got back up and kept trying—one foot after the other—until eventually you were walking, then climbing stairs, playing on the playground, and later running faster than your friends. It all starts with little baby steps.

Now, some of you might be thinking, "I understand that walking is important, but I'm in my 20s, 30s, or 40s—how do I develop confidence?"

The same principle applies to anything in life. I often use examples from strength training because many watching my channel are working on their fitness and health.

When you start small—say, lifting lighter weights—you build confidence.

Before you can make a three-point shot in basketball, you start by learning to shoot under the basket. You use the backboard, aim just above the rim, and then gradually work toward the elbow and free throw line.

You build that confidence and eventually gain the strength, skill, and technique to shoot from the three-point line, or even dunk. It's all about those small wins.

I use Jiu-Jitsu as another example. When you start martial arts, you begin as a white belt—a beginner. Through small progress and consistent training, you build your knowledge base, technique, and skill.

You learn the movements of your body and how to leverage both your own and your opponent's movements to your advantage.

If you wanted to start a YouTube channel, your very first video is a small win. Look at established YouTubers like Mr. Beast or Marques Brownlee—they have videos from 8, 10, or 15 years ago that show humble beginnings, yet they built confidence over time with each small step.

There are different domains in your life where confidence matters.

Perhaps you're super confident in your relationship domain—you can approach someone, ask them out, or get their number without hesitation.

But you might lack confidence in other areas. Whatever area you want to build confidence in, remember to start small.

If you struggle with public speaking, you won't jump into speaking in front of 100 or 500 people. You'll start by speaking up at team meetings with four or five people, then gradually move on to larger groups, perhaps taking a public speaking course along the way.

The point is: start small, build up your wins, and that's how you build confidence.

When you go to the weight room, you might start by bench pressing 100 lbs. Then you add a little—20 more pounds—to bench 120 lbs. Each small increase builds your strength and confidence. Soon, you'll be adding even more weight, and with every increment, you reinforce your progress.

2) Your Self-Talk is Powerful

The biggest thing that holds people back when it comes to building confidence is your internal dialogue—the voices in your head.

You have to replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk.

If you doubt yourself, if you constantly tell yourself you're not good enough, you talk yourself out of opportunities.

You might worry about going to the gym because you fear being judged on your form or how much you can lift, or you might feel anxious about approaching someone attractive because you think they're out of your league.

Negative self-talk stops you from taking action and achieving your goals.

Consider Muhammad Ali, one of the greatest boxers of all time. He constantly used positive self-talk—talking himself into greatness.

Look at athletes like LeBron James, Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Steph Curry, and Muhammad Ali. They all had positive self-talk, and they backed it up with hard work. They didn’t just say they were the best—they put in the work to become the best.

If you want to build confidence, you must change that negative internal dialogue. Replace the negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Instead of thinking, "I'm not smart enough" or "I'm not good enough to get that job," start thinking, "I will do this" or "I can learn this."

The more you replace negativity with positivity, the more confidence you'll build.

3) Taking Action

Confidence is built on small wins.

You can't just sit around watching videos and feeling inspired—you have to act.

Whether it's working out, pursuing relationships, launching a YouTube channel, starting a business, or applying for a job, it all begins with action.

Too many people get stuck in a loop, watching motivational videos, getting inspired, and then doing nothing. Action leads to progress, and progress builds confidence.

Sometimes I struggle with confidence too. There are moments when negative self-talk creeps in—when I feel on top of the world, then suddenly doubt myself.

But I remind myself that if I want 2025 to be the best year ever, I have to build my confidence.

Remember, you are not born with confidence; you have to develop it.

Confidence is a skill, a muscle you work at. The more you work on it, the more it translates into every other area of your life—your body, your self-image, your business, your relationships.

If you want 2025 to be the best year ever, focus on building your confidence.

I'll repeat it one more time: you are not born with confidence. You have to build it.

Once you know how to build confidence, every area of your life will see the positive impact of your actions, positive self-talk, and the small wins you accumulate over time.

There's no magic formula or genie in a bottle—just take action. If you don't, you can only blame yourself.

I hope you enjoyed this week’s letter. Thanks for reading.

Jovon