If You’re in Your 30s, Read This (Life Lessons)
Do you ever feel like everyone else is miles ahead of you in terms of better health, better jobs, and a better life?
It's not just you in your 30s—it’s easy to feel like you're behind, but the truth is, you're not as stuck as you think you are.
Today, I want to talk about ways to stop comparing yourself, how to redefine what success means to you, and how to take control of your life.
Think about this: In your 30s, you can feel a lot of pressure. You're managing work, maybe a family, your health, and society’s expectations of what you should be and where you should be.
And social media doesn’t help.
It's easy to scroll on Instagram and see so many people your age who seem to have it all figured out—really good jobs, great health, lots of money, nice cars, dating beautiful women, traveling the world.
While you're on your couch or in your bed, scrolling and feeling like you're behind.
Why is everyone else ahead of me? Why do i feel so stuck in life?
In today’s letter, I want to share five easy-to-implement strategies—ways to reframe your life and prove that you're not as stuck as you think you are.
1) Redefine What Success Means to You
When it comes to success, it's easy to see what success looks like for one person and think, "that's what I need to achieve."
But the truth is that success is not one-size-fits-all. What one person deems successful—whether it's money, relationships, or health. Might look very different from your own goals and vision.
Everyone has unique goals and visions for their life, so instead of measuring your life against others, you need to redefine what success means for you.
I like to think of life in different domains:
a health domain
a career domain
a family domain
a personal development domain
With each of these, you must define what success looks like for you.
For example, success in your health domain might be getting to 10–12% body fat—that means getting rid of the dad bod.
In your career, success might look like a promotion or making more money.
Don't worry about what those other guys on social media having nice watches, cars, or beautiful partners.
Define success on your own terms.
2) Focus on Small, Consistent Wins
The key to achieving your goals—especially in your 30s—is making small progress.
Success doesn't happen when you jump from A to Z. It's about doing the little things in between.
I've mentioned this multiple times, and James Clear's book Atomic Habits talks a lot about the power of habits.
Whether it's focusing on your fitness, mental health, career, or family, it's the small, daily actions that matter.
If you want to get to 10–12% body fat or maintain a healthier body as you age, then carrying extra weight isn't good for your joints and can lead to cardiovascular problems.
Similarly, if you want to work on personal growth but only have an hour or two a week because of family and work obligations, block off that time consistently.
It's the little progress—the daily gym sessions, the extra minute of stretching—that add up over time.
Think about going to the gym: You don't get big gains by going for just one week. You build muscle gradually, adding a little more weight here and there, seeing small increases that build your confidence.
Those small wins, repeated consistently, are what lead to big gains.
3) Stop Comparing Yourself to Others (The Comparison Trap)
One of the biggest pitfalls is the comparison trap.
Social media shows hundreds of people who seem to have a better life—more money, better careers, nicer cars, better clothes.
When you compare yourself to them, you start feeling down, develop self-doubt, and let self-limiting beliefs take over.
Remember the old saying about trying to keep up with the joneses: While the Joneses might have a four-bedroom house, two cars, a garage, a dog, and a white picket fence, you might be renting a studio apartment in your 30s.
This comparison only makes you feel worse.
Everyone is on their own journey. Instead of comparing yourself to your family or friends, filter what you see on social media.
Use others' successes as motivation rather than a measure of your own worth. You might be inspired by someone's travels or their career success, but don't let that stop you from creating your own vision.
4) Use Setbacks as Fuel for Growth
In your 30s, you've already experienced life on your own—college, starting a career, even some early partying.
Now, your 30s are about refining your vision. Setbacks like losing a job, a breakup, or financial struggles are inevitable.
Instead of viewing these as failures, see them as setups for growth. When you go through a bad breakup, for example, many people hit the gym to transform themselves, to become a better version of who they are.
That setback can become fuel for growth if you use it to build a burning desire to improve.
Think of it this way: A setback doesn't mean you can never have a healthy, loving relationship—it just means that particular relationship didn't work out. Use that experience to learn, grow, and refine your vision for what you want in life.
5) Create a Clear Vision and Anti-Vision
Having a clear vision for your life is crucial.
Think about where you want to be in the next 1, 3, or 5 years. What are your goals in each domain—health, career, family, personal growth?
Sometimes it's hard to envision your life five years from now because so much can change. Start with a one-year plan and build from there.
Another powerful tool is the anti-vision: Identify what you don't want in your life.
For example, “I do not want to struggle financially" or "i do not want to be alone when I'm older."
Using both your vision and anti-vision can keep you motivated and focused. they work together to provide a roadmap for your progress.
6) Action is the Key
Remember, success is about action.
You need both a vision and the consistent action to back it up. If your goal is to get to 10–12% body fat, that's your vision, but you must also commit to the workouts, the diet, and the daily habits that get you there. vision without action remains just a dream.
Realize that you're not stuck. You are exactly where you need to be right now, watching this video.
Your current situation is a starting point, not a final destination. Examine the different domains of your life—health, career, family, personal growth—set clear priorities, and map out a plan to move from where you are (point a) to where you want to be (point b).
I'm 42, and I'll be 43 next year. Every day, I learn life lessons by reflecting on where I was in my 20s and where I am now.
It's about having a vision and, more importantly, putting in the work. nothing I've talked about will help you if you don't open your mind and broaden your perspective.
If you want 2025 to be the best year ever, focus on building your confidence and defining success on your terms.
Remember, you are not born with confidence. You have to build it. Once you know how to build confidence, every area of your life will see the positive impact of your actions, your positive self-talk, and the small wins that add up over time.
So, don't let comparisons or setbacks hold you back. Redefine success for yourself, focus on small, consistent wins, and use both your vision and your anti-vision to guide you.
Take action, even when it feels difficult, because that's how you grow and ultimately change your life.
If you ever feel stuck, remember that progress is made one small step at a time, and you are in control of your journey.
Thank you for reading today’s letter.
Jovon